i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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