Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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