you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
