I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
where am i from again
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
