just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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