OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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