This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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