YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize