dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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