i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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