Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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