..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
