She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
