I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
