The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
