I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
