I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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