alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
