that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
