Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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