when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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