and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize