Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
