I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
