all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize