he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
