I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
