Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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