If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
