piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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