On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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