update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
