My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
