I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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