remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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