so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
