Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
