I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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