you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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