You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
