Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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