I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
