Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
