I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
