Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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