She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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