Someone shit on the floor
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
