My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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