i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize