Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My ass is underappreciated
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
