Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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