I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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