Your dad touched me again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
a search helicopter?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
