so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
