So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
