Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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