why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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