I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize