so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That accounts for only three of the penises
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
