I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
