I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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