Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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