I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
