omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
