If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
