Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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