while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
