I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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