i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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