we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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