Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
