My hand turned me down
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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