Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
