So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
