Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
